1:52

June 25, 2012

the most difficult time
in this poet’s lifetime
is this time

this isn’t a dark time
it’s just a long time

seconds last hours

and i have no interest in writing about it

reflection: on purpose

June 23, 2011

we seem to have this concept that we are linear beings. that, life
needs to unfold a certain way. often times, we think that by the age of eighteen
we should be graduating from high school.  go to college. make a career. find a mate. get
married. buy a house. have children. rear them. have them go through the same
“checklist,” throw a couple of vacations in there. spend time with
family. have a retirement party. sell the house. move to a warmer place. enjoy
an old healthy age filled with grandkids and die (we hope peacefully).

how limited we become when we decide to look at ourselves in light
of this check list. and how sad when we begin to compare ourselves to others
and where they are in life.

i don’t believe we are linear beings at all. and i refuse to
compare myself to anyone BUT myself because i will not disrespect my process or my
counterparts. take for example children who at the age of
five are beyond the “set kindergarten” level.  parameters, that i believe, are set by a
system that limits our full potential. who are we to limit the growth of a
person based on their age? and conversely, who are we to push someone who takes
a little longer (for whatever reasons)?  we cannot stifle the growth of an individual
any more than we can rush it. everyone has a pace in life: their pace. not to
be dictated by parameters because we are NOT linear beings.

we see it all the time. people who do not find their mate ’til
later in life. forty-year-olds, now getting married for the first time who
cannot have biological children because their bodies have turned a page. do we
tell them that they’re late? that they should’ve done it earlier? how
disrespectful of us to even think that there is a set pace in life. that the
checklist needs to be done in “the order” or that it’s even everyone’s
checklist.

if you want clarity of purpose in your life you compare yourself
to no one and you simply walk. because the point is to walk. not to stand idle
waiting for purpose to come to you. you make purpose every day for your SELF.

i am 33-years-old and i have no regrets. i have no idea when everything will “fall into place.”
but i keep moving. setting small goals for my self. i have made and continue to
make significant contributions to social justice movements. my writing has
improved and i’ve been able to share my works in different places, including an
international opportunity that was one of the most rewarding experiences of my
life. i have been able to help family and friends. i have had the opportunity
to meet people who have changed my life forever. all the while continuing to
search for clarity of purpose.

i am exactly where i need to be.

i do not plan for tomorrow because it is not guaranteed. but today my direction is inward.
because it’s the only way to an honest outward.

and if tomorrow blesses me with another day of life, then i will
have a checklist in the morning, fully aware that i may not even check anything
off of it because i was simply walking inward. and that has been my greatest
purpose.

~Sarahí Yajaira, 2011 ©