“I know God will not give me anything I can’t handle. I just wish He didn’t trust me so much.” ~Mother Teresa

Are you feeling exhausted? I mean, really exhausted. Like, if one more thing should fall on your shoulders you will either cry or burst into rage. And it doesn’t matter that you’re the always-happy-optimistic-you’re-gonna’-change-the-world-kinda’-person because today… today, the world is changing you.

And you say that you don’t want to help another person, or give any more of you because you ain’t got anything left. Yo ‘toy jarta coño! You are feeling crucified at the crossroad. You’ve reach the intersection of i-wish-a-mutha’-f*#@%-would and por-mi-madre-santa-que-si-me-pasa-algo-mas… You feel complete exhaustion. Spiritually, physically, emotionally, and financially, every aspect of your life is being challenged. How can you possibly keep your head up? If you dig any deeper the ground above you will bury you alive.

And so some of us pray. Others chant, meditate, reflect, sing… we find a way to speak to the Universe.

In this moment I pray for Stillness and Peace…

If the Universe brings me to it, it will get me through it.
If the Universe brings me to it, it will get me through it.
If the Universe brings me to it, it will get me through it.

It is ok to say you can’t help anyone right now. It is ok to rest. It is ok to say No. It is ok to cry, to breakdown, to breakup, to surrender to the fact that you are Human. Surrender to the concept that we do not have to be happy all the time or at everyones disposition or available to our family and friends when they need us. We can say NO. I can say NO.

This collection of “things that keep happening” is a reminder to just be still with your Self.

Take care of you right now. Not for a day or a week. Allow yourself ALL the time you need. You cannot possibly care for anyone if you are depleted. Focus your energies on YOU. Pray for YOU. Take care of YOU.

Believe that you deserve a YOU that is healthy in every aspect of your life. That may require surrendering this idea that we need to always be available to those things and those people who “need” us.

When you really look at it, you’re not turning your back on them, you’re turning towards your Self.

This is simply and necessarily Self care.

waking in Love

April 22, 2012

this morning i woke up in Love.
the woman in my bed
had this sexy confidence
around her rested eyes.
her skin was soft to the touch,
like the night had exfoliated her worries.

she had this peace about her,
certain that the new day
was going to shower her with blessings,
she rose and gave thanks to the Universe.

the fog was lifted.

i fell in Love with her smile;
how it rest so comfortably on her lips.

her feet were certain
that the next step was forward.
and forward was certain to receive her.

i woke up in Love
with Self, Patience and self-patience.

0-17

April 3, 2012

i gave so much of me,
i’m claiming bankruptcy
because the deficit has left me
owing myself an apology.

i took out a loan.
’cause in the right market
i can make Love’s stock soar.

crash!

i am not sure what happened,
but i have no fight left.

Love has beaten it out.

the lesson at school is clear though:

commit to Self.

i return to my core.
to replenish depleted areas.
to reconnect to that which
makes me whole. to pay back
myself for my Self-neglect.

everything else.

in time.

will
f
a
l
l
into place.

every Sunday, if i wake up in my home, i go to the supermarket and buy myself flowers. i’ve done it for a long time. it started as an effort for self love and care. i usually get happy flowers. sunflowers. flowers with bright colors. but i love daisies. the white ones. i think they’re the happiest flowers. they always look like they’re smiling…

this weekend, after a change in plans, i adjusted to what the Universe had brought me. somehow i felt it say, “be home. be still.”

so friday after work, i ran some errands and went home. i slept. i slept. i slept.

i slept. i woke up saturday. let the beagle out. fed the beagle. slept. watched a movie. ate. slept. watched tv. slept. had the tv watch me. let the beagle out. fed the bagle. ate. watched a movie. slept.

woke up today (Sunday), at 7am. made cafe bustelo en la greca. let the beagle out. went to the supermarket, picked up some flowers and things for the week. went home. my music of choice: old Spanish boleros. cleaned the house a-la-tu-madre sans the pañuelo on my head. i moved couches. bookcases. cleaned behind, over, under, through… washed clothes. folded clothes. ate. went to get a manicure. came home. let the beagle out. took a long hot shower. i moisturized. gave myself a calf massage. allowed myself to take care of She who is most important in my life, Me.

some of us are natural givers. add to that society’s constant reminder to “do unto others” or “help your neighbor.” yes these should always be a part of our life. still, we must learn how to return to us and give ourselves the very things we give others: our time, our energy, our love…

we need to dedicate time to ourselves to replenish and rejuvenate our mind, body and soul. it is in this moment where you gain greater strength of heart. in this time with self, you listen to the message silence has to share. you listen to the message on being alone. it is this very act of self Love that you can find your real strength.

it easy to find strength for others, but can you be strong for your Self?

Self Love and Care is the best way to strengthen the core of you. that very place you pull from when you’ve got nothing left. so take a day and spend it with your Self. i promise, it’s worth it. in fact, you might just like who you get to hang out with all day… and there’s a possibility, you might fall in Love with you.