step. wait. dance.

July 3, 2013

“La costumbre pesa mas que el Amor.”

Abuela passed away twenty-years ago. But she is such a powerful presence in my life that there are days I swear she is still here. I talk to her like a prayer. And she talks back to me like an old friend. Over the last few days two of her frequently used quotes have come up in conversations. I’ve shared them with others in an effort to summarize two very real and raw truths: First, comfort weighs more than Love. Second, no one dies on the eve.

We can get so comfortable with something/someone that we will stay in that place (regardless of how detrimental it is to our health, or how it keeps us from walking towards our Truth) because simply put, we’re comfortable. We stay put because we know it. We can navigate it because we’ve been swimming in it for so long that we have come to accept it as our truth. We are so accustomed to something/someone that we will not move from that place because, well, “I’m used to it.”

I’ve been there. Sitting in it. Forcing it, in an effort to make it what it could never be because the minute we stop doing what we Love or walking in the direction of the things we Love, we begin to resent ourselves, others and everything around us. We become stagnant. We are angry and we question the questions, and the noise in our heads doesn’t stop because we know that the only question that needs to be answered is, “What is it that I am so afraid of that I rather stand in the discomfort of my comfort zone than to step out and walk towards Love?”

If we walked away from comfort and into Love we would realize that we are brilliant! We would see our life turn in the direction we have been wanting it to turn towards but were too afraid because comfort carries weight. A weight that increases each day we choose to remain in the place that we know simply because we know it.

The moment we decide to step out of that comfort zone, the Universe calls forth a shift in our lives that resembles what I felt is a rebirth. Except this time, it wasn’t my mother pushing me out into the world… this time, I came to my own on my own. I put one foot in front of the other and stepped forward. I took a deep breath of the new air that surrounded me and cried. I cried the weight of my comfort out of me.

And after all the crying was done, I looked around and asked, “Y ahora que?”

“Nadie muere en la vispera.”

So now what? You stepped out and forward. It feels great. But what next?

It’s just one foot in front of the other. Except now, there is purpose and intent. Now you are walking in the direction of your Truth… your dreams and your goals. Now you walk with confidence. Even in the uncertainty or in the moments where you have to wait, here is the other Truth, “Nadie muere en la vispera.” Things will happen when they happen, not a second before or after.

Waiting is not standing still in one place. It doesn’t mean you stop walking, it means you walk toward your Truth gathering experiences to strengthen you for the next shift. The eve is the place where we ask, “Am I ready? and do I have what I need?” The eve is the place where nos vestimos de armadura.

Along comes the shift. The shift allows you to take the lessons of the eve into the break of dawn.

The hardest part of all of this, you have already done. Stepping out of what you know is an absolute beautifully frightening decision to make. That step, was what brought you to the shift and from the moment you committed to stepping out of your comfort zone the Universe began to shift everything in your direction.

You called forth the change.

You deserve to walk towards your Truth.

Your resolve and commitment to your Self is so powerful that any shift can only bring you peace.

The instructions are easy: step. wait. dance.

“I know God will not give me anything I can’t handle. I just wish He didn’t trust me so much.” ~Mother Teresa

Are you feeling exhausted? I mean, really exhausted. Like, if one more thing should fall on your shoulders you will either cry or burst into rage. And it doesn’t matter that you’re the always-happy-optimistic-you’re-gonna’-change-the-world-kinda’-person because today… today, the world is changing you.

And you say that you don’t want to help another person, or give any more of you because you ain’t got anything left. Yo ‘toy jarta coño! You are feeling crucified at the crossroad. You’ve reach the intersection of i-wish-a-mutha’-f*#@%-would and por-mi-madre-santa-que-si-me-pasa-algo-mas… You feel complete exhaustion. Spiritually, physically, emotionally, and financially, every aspect of your life is being challenged. How can you possibly keep your head up? If you dig any deeper the ground above you will bury you alive.

And so some of us pray. Others chant, meditate, reflect, sing… we find a way to speak to the Universe.

In this moment I pray for Stillness and Peace…

If the Universe brings me to it, it will get me through it.
If the Universe brings me to it, it will get me through it.
If the Universe brings me to it, it will get me through it.

It is ok to say you can’t help anyone right now. It is ok to rest. It is ok to say No. It is ok to cry, to breakdown, to breakup, to surrender to the fact that you are Human. Surrender to the concept that we do not have to be happy all the time or at everyones disposition or available to our family and friends when they need us. We can say NO. I can say NO.

This collection of “things that keep happening” is a reminder to just be still with your Self.

Take care of you right now. Not for a day or a week. Allow yourself ALL the time you need. You cannot possibly care for anyone if you are depleted. Focus your energies on YOU. Pray for YOU. Take care of YOU.

Believe that you deserve a YOU that is healthy in every aspect of your life. That may require surrendering this idea that we need to always be available to those things and those people who “need” us.

When you really look at it, you’re not turning your back on them, you’re turning towards your Self.

This is simply and necessarily Self care.

may i

October 5, 2011

may i let go
of all that keeps me.

may i learn
to sit still
with all that is
unanswered.

may i find
peace within
faith without.

~Sarahí Yajaira, 2011

a letter to love

November 12, 2010

love,

when you come home
this is what a need from you…

i need you to be patient.
with you. with me. with us.
you should come dressed in comfort.
nothing flashy
–simplicity catches my eye with ease.

come with a gentle spirit.
speak softly. hold me gently.
you will have my attention
if you can get at my intellect
and my spirit.

trust.
don’t hold me accountable
for what others have done to you.
i still believe in you
amidst the heartaches
loving has caused.

grow.
feed the spirit of us.
nurture the soul of what we have
with letters, flowers, music…
details add fuel to the fire.
love must burn.

rest.
on a lazy sunday
wrapped in me.
recharge our souls
with peace.

fight.
want to want to it.
need to have it.
fight to make sure we continue
to love “for better or for worse.”

and finally, please,
come home for good.

stay.

(i left the light on for you).

~Sarahí Yajaira, 2010