a gift for Love

January 7, 2012

i’ve been shopping
searching in all places
for the perfect gift
to give Love.

the bookstore shelves
stacked with titles
on how to,
fairtytales,
recovering love…

i knew Love
didn’t need to know
what it has endured
throughout its lifetime.

thought perhaps
if i bought it something
intimate, i could dress her
in sexiness.
but Love knows
that victoria doesn’t know
the real secret
has nothing
to do with the lingerie.

so, on i went.
entered little shops
with trinkets and pendants
but nothing stood out.

thought about feeding
it the most decadent chocolates
but Love has always been sweet enough.

suddenly…
there it was,
the perfect gift.

i wanted something
that looked classy. a bit rustic.
something… that would tell it
what my words have yet to express.

so i bought Love a watch.

with the hopes that it
would finally arrive
precisely.
and.
perfectly.
on.
time.

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reflection: dreams delayed

November 22, 2011

i have been thinking about this coming holiday.

i am having a hard time this year with it. i read somewhere that mercury is in retrograde and things might be a bit off. and the news always tell of stats that remind us how this is a really depressing time for many people. in trying to make sense of my current emotional state, i seek answers.  this has nothing to do with the holiday or mercury’s position. i am just missing one thing:

my very own family.

i have family. my siblings. my parents. cousins. aunts and uncles. we are thousands of miles apart. still, we are family. and the memories we made years ago are still with me.

but i want my own family. i want to build a home. create memories. hang them on picture frames. make traditions that my kids will talk about…

i’ve been sitting with this. writing about it in my journal. talked about it with some friends over dinner tonight. and then i came across a blog where the blogger was expressing a similar sentiment.

i suppose a good number of us get to that point in our lives. that place where we realize we want our own family. it is easy to feel at a lost.  or like we haven’t done something right if what we want hasn’t yet arrived.

but instead of questioning what i might be doing wrong… i allowed my self to feel and listen. and i learned something and made peace with it rather quickly: it is not yet time.

i am thankful for dreams delayed. it will be that much sweeter. i will be that much stronger.

when i look at my life in the context of the eleven years we’ve been together, i am literally left in awe. we have been through so much. we’ve moved. we’ve traveled to a different country. we’ve been really sick. you have seen me during times i didn’t even want to see my self.  we’ve walked. around the block. at the park. at the beach (which you really didn’t like). we’ve played tag. hide-and-seek. tried to play fetch (but you found it quite boring).  you’ve curled up at my feet when i was recovering once… twice… three times.

…and you understand everything without a single word.

lots of people look at dogs and just see a dog.  but for people who have had the opportunity to live with and have loved and cared for one, things are a bit different. you realize, you cannot dismiss them because they don’t have “human capabilities.”  and it is true, they don’t have human capabilities (a blessing, really). what they have is greater than anything we could ever grasp. and if you can attain their state of evolution, consider yourself, a lucky dog!

see what Bailey has taught me are four simple, powerful lessons: loyalty, unconditional Love, patience and the ability to forgive… easily and quickly.

she has remained loyal through my countless changes. she has Loved me, even when i take a little longer to get home or when she’s had to be somewhere without me for extended periods of time.  she has been patient with me in ways no one has. but the greatest lesson i have been taught by The Beagle is… forgiveness.

forgive my self and others. do so easily and quickly.
time is too short. it is not an ally.
all we have is now.

her Love has taught me, that a dog’s life is a lesson on the things that matter most: Love, patience, walks, treats, taking time out to be lazy and greeting each other with excitement.

i am lucky that you picked me to be your human companion Beags. here’s to more tail waggin’ lessons.

~Sarahí Yajaira, 2011

She

September 14, 2011

she’s not a carpenter
but she’s building me up.

never used brushes,
but she paints my heart
a green shade of hope…
slowly and perfectly.

serves dinner onto plates
filled with laughter.
plays connect the dots
with my freckles,
drawing out her touch…

i get feverish.
my skin burns
out fears.

her silence
tells me to rest
worries.
as we breath
in and out
and Up.

moves me
to stillness…

She has a way
to find ways.

~Sarahí Yajaira. 2011

a letter to love

November 12, 2010

love,

when you come home
this is what a need from you…

i need you to be patient.
with you. with me. with us.
you should come dressed in comfort.
nothing flashy
–simplicity catches my eye with ease.

come with a gentle spirit.
speak softly. hold me gently.
you will have my attention
if you can get at my intellect
and my spirit.

trust.
don’t hold me accountable
for what others have done to you.
i still believe in you
amidst the heartaches
loving has caused.

grow.
feed the spirit of us.
nurture the soul of what we have
with letters, flowers, music…
details add fuel to the fire.
love must burn.

rest.
on a lazy sunday
wrapped in me.
recharge our souls
with peace.

fight.
want to want to it.
need to have it.
fight to make sure we continue
to love “for better or for worse.”

and finally, please,
come home for good.

stay.

(i left the light on for you).

~Sarahí Yajaira, 2010