This year started very nicely. I set some reasonable goals. Some I met, others I didn’t. But I was always aware that while we have plans, the Universe has others. So I am not disappointed in the ones I didn’t reach this time around or the ones I had to alter. I say this constantly, “Life is not linear.”

My health dwindled a bit but I paid attention to it quickly enough to avoid any set-backs. I started working out, eating healthier (trying to be more mindful of what I put in my body so that I may fuel it with foods that nurture it), and talk-therapy.

I dated on and off. I took on some “old behaviors” and I tried to force many parts of it into something that I have always wanted. It was never labeled. There were so many parts of it that were so uncomfortable and I didn’t voice it, say it, or express it. Instead, I pushed.

I pushed until I couldn’t anymore and realized that I wasn’t happy. Things should happen naturally, right? This certainly wasn’t. And so when I let go and finally decided to really let go (since there were several attempts), I learned so much about myself and I opened up to the Universe. I decided to wait for what I deserved; for what I was really seeking/needing/wanting in a partner –it’s amazing how quickly the Universe can turn things around for you once you get out of its way.

Along came Her. I wasn’t even looking. As a matter of fact, I was pretty much done (though my Loved ones will always tell you that I could never be done). But with confidence and certainty, I have found my twin flame. Without hesitation or reservation. Perfectamente a mi medida. Tal y como se la pedí al Universo.

I strengthened friendships. In particular three people whose lives I wanted more of in mine. I wanted more of their light. And I have found them to be so instrumental to getting through some tough days this year. Their constant support, encouragement and their way of “keeping it real” when they needed to nudge me was perfect. Friendships evolve. They morph. If they morph their way out, so be it. If they evolve into something stronger, embrace it. Either way, celebrate it.

I decided to start my journey to nursing school; to change careers entirely. I enrolled in pre-requisite courses and have been holding my own after 12-years of being out of the academic setting. If finals go as planned, I will have aced both classes this semester and have already registered for the next. I have also started applying to programs. This has been an interesting experience, especially the part where you write your personal statement. I am amazed at how much I have learned about myself along the way. Every step I have taken has brought me to this place and I am ever so blessed and thankful because even the things I labeled as “mistakes or missteps” where actually not at all. Everything is in Divine order.

This year I made the most difficult decision of my life. I had to decide to put my sweet Beagle to sleep. She was suffering from congenital heart failure. It’s no wonder to me it was her heart that gave out; there was so much LOVE in her. It has been an emotional roller coaster of days since August 31. The lessons the four-legged Love taught me where plenty. Here are a few:

  1. Find the perfect spot where the sun hits your body gently… feel its warmth on your skin.
  2. Greet people as if you haven’t seen them in years.
  3. Forgive instantly. Like NOW.
  4. Enjoy treats.
  5. Nap every day.
  6. Cuddle hard.
  7. Give unexpected kisses.
  8. Bark at the mailperson; all they do is bring bills anyway.
  9. Keep Loved ones company. Especially during difficult times.
  10. Sit in silence. Your presence speaks for itself.
  11. If you’re happy, wag your tail.
  12. Love unconditionally; without reservations, restrictions or fear.

She is always with me. I still find her hairs all over the house, the car and my clothes. But I hope to be to my friends and family, what Bailey thought of me –loyal, full of Love and fun.

I am not setting any resolutions this year. I am not setting goals. I am simply letting go of all that is not conducive to my spiritual, emotional and physical growth (that may include people folks).

I am keeping my arms wide open. Because if I simply walk with purpose and if everything I want and need I already have… then 2013 is the year to bring all of it forth.

Ashe.

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january

January 31, 2012

you came in with fireworks,
(you always do).

still, you were subtle with me,
peaceful and passionate and tender.
you wrapped me gently in the newness of you.
with all the hope and excitement of a clean slate,
a new beginning with renewed strengths…

i. am. hope. full.

on this, your last day
i give you thanks
for coming in with so much energies;
i trust will carry me through.

let me take the spirit of your faith-filled beginning.
let me hear fireworks in the nights of every day.
let me find the peace of your first morning in all of my tomorrows.

reflection: eve

December 29, 2011

i stand at the eve of a new day,
that will mark a new year.
we are always setting resolutions
around this time. making a list of
the blessings and the challenges
the year brought.

some can’t wait for it to be over.
others may count it among their favorites.

i count it as another year.

aware of the blessings in each challenge
i will not reflect on what was lost.

instead, i want to celebrate friendship.

there are five women in my life
that have made such an impact
this year. they have left me in awe
of their spirits. three of them are “new.”
the Universe brought us together because we have
purpose in each others lives. and i look forward
to uncovering and discovering each new day our
friendship.

the other two, i’ve been friends with for over ten years.
in separate parts of the country. we have never spent
more than three days at a time in each others presence.
still, the connection we have is unbreakable.
the distance is no match for the Love
that has grown between us
and the support we provide each other.

how beautiful is friendship, that the moment you meet certain people
the connection is so strong, you swear you’ve known them
for a lifetime. conversely, those you have known for a lifetime
remain beside you, though not physically; their spirit is as much
a part of your everyday as breathing.

that is what this year has brought me: a deeper appreciation for friendship.

those that showed up to visit me while i was in the hospital; who were part
of my physical and spiritual recovery. those who opened their doors and offered
a place to rest my head or a meal. those who called to ask if i needed anything.
the random text to just “check in.” the email to remind me that i wasn’t alone.
those who came over just to watch a movie and keep me company.

i am thankful for friendship. that kind that picks up right were it left off.
the kind that instantly happens at the meeting of kindred souls. the kind
that’s kind and patient and supportive.

on the eve of a new day, that will mark a new year
i count my blessings in the form of your Love and laughter.

may each new day strengthen our friendship
in faith, Love and support.

Writer’s Note: Gracias Adriana, Yari, y Spectra por su amistad tan bella. Lauren and Rosa, words cannot explain the love i feel for you; here’s to many more years.

11:59

December 30, 2009

when the clock strikes midnight
and a new year begins,
be thankful for those in our lives who still remain.
be thankful for those moments that brought you pain.
don’t rethink the darkness
except to give thanks for the strength it brought you.

when fireworks announce the start of a new year,
look to the light
in symbolism
of the path you should follow in the coming year.

let that last minute of the year that ends
be that last breath that mends
leaving all that was tough behind
and all that will be beautiful ahead.

when the first sunrise
breaks the night,
announcing a new day,
feel the warmth of its rays
on your soul.

let the new year bring
a new you

love
deeper
stronger
harder

but love with all you have.

’cause in the end,
like in the beginning,
it is all we have.

~Sarahi Yajaira, 2009