reflection: healing love

October 14, 2011

a little over year ago i was told one of the most heartbreaking news of my life. it had to do with an intimate relationship. we were engaged to be married. but that would not happen.

the news seemed to freeze my senses. as she spoke, silent tears streamed down my face. the once sweet sound of her voice pierced my ears.  and at that moment, i stopped believing. faith dissipated. my spirit broke into fragments. and i was left to pick up each sharp edge with my bare hands.

the process of healing…

a years worth of days have brought a range of emotions, adventures, missteps, anger, laughter and frustrations. i became jaded. lost myself in the process. forcing circles into squares.

it takes a long time to digest swallowed pain.

i thought it could never make sense again. i felt as though the concept of love had evolved for me. it was no longer what i believed it was. it was morphing into something that i had yet to really experience.

i am a poet. we are hopeless romantics. we believe in Love even when it stops believing in us. we make Love fall in love with us. and when all of this is challenged and you are left naked and vulnerable you feel as though nothing will ever be the same.

and it isn’t.

thank the universe for that.

love matures. you emerge healed with a new sense of purpose for love. it is not love that hurts us, it is people. they do so because they are human. and fear can lead us to do…well… stupid things.

i have healed. and allowed my self to welcome someone new. and while hesitant to step, i don’t fear it. i simply walk slower.

in the moment of direct impact, that feeling of pain lasts for what seems to be eternal, we feel as though the world will end and we will never stop hurting. we shut down. we default to auto-defense. but as we continue to walk through the days…

we heal. we regenerate. we recuperate. we grow stronger.

and we realize… we are capable of loving and being loved again.

~Sarahí Yajaira, 2011

catching fears

October 5, 2011

silence
is the sound of fear.

how does one let go
of those experiences
that build walls
to keep us safe?

the hurt
lasts longer
when we allow it to
keep us from embracing
a new blessing.

i am learning to listen
to silence. i am also learning
keep quiet. to let myself be
guided by more than words.

gently and quietly,
She slips her unspoken Love
into my pillow case.

…and every night
a dream catches
fears and i hear
the walls cracking.

~Sarahí Yajaira, 2011