step. wait. dance.

July 3, 2013

“La costumbre pesa mas que el Amor.”

Abuela passed away twenty-years ago. But she is such a powerful presence in my life that there are days I swear she is still here. I talk to her like a prayer. And she talks back to me like an old friend. Over the last few days two of her frequently used quotes have come up in conversations. I’ve shared them with others in an effort to summarize two very real and raw truths: First, comfort weighs more than Love. Second, no one dies on the eve.

We can get so comfortable with something/someone that we will stay in that place (regardless of how detrimental it is to our health, or how it keeps us from walking towards our Truth) because simply put, we’re comfortable. We stay put because we know it. We can navigate it because we’ve been swimming in it for so long that we have come to accept it as our truth. We are so accustomed to something/someone that we will not move from that place because, well, “I’m used to it.”

I’ve been there. Sitting in it. Forcing it, in an effort to make it what it could never be because the minute we stop doing what we Love or walking in the direction of the things we Love, we begin to resent ourselves, others and everything around us. We become stagnant. We are angry and we question the questions, and the noise in our heads doesn’t stop because we know that the only question that needs to be answered is, “What is it that I am so afraid of that I rather stand in the discomfort of my comfort zone than to step out and walk towards Love?”

If we walked away from comfort and into Love we would realize that we are brilliant! We would see our life turn in the direction we have been wanting it to turn towards but were too afraid because comfort carries weight. A weight that increases each day we choose to remain in the place that we know simply because we know it.

The moment we decide to step out of that comfort zone, the Universe calls forth a shift in our lives that resembles what I felt is a rebirth. Except this time, it wasn’t my mother pushing me out into the world… this time, I came to my own on my own. I put one foot in front of the other and stepped forward. I took a deep breath of the new air that surrounded me and cried. I cried the weight of my comfort out of me.

And after all the crying was done, I looked around and asked, “Y ahora que?”

“Nadie muere en la vispera.”

So now what? You stepped out and forward. It feels great. But what next?

It’s just one foot in front of the other. Except now, there is purpose and intent. Now you are walking in the direction of your Truth… your dreams and your goals. Now you walk with confidence. Even in the uncertainty or in the moments where you have to wait, here is the other Truth, “Nadie muere en la vispera.” Things will happen when they happen, not a second before or after.

Waiting is not standing still in one place. It doesn’t mean you stop walking, it means you walk toward your Truth gathering experiences to strengthen you for the next shift. The eve is the place where we ask, “Am I ready? and do I have what I need?” The eve is the place where nos vestimos de armadura.

Along comes the shift. The shift allows you to take the lessons of the eve into the break of dawn.

The hardest part of all of this, you have already done. Stepping out of what you know is an absolute beautifully frightening decision to make. That step, was what brought you to the shift and from the moment you committed to stepping out of your comfort zone the Universe began to shift everything in your direction.

You called forth the change.

You deserve to walk towards your Truth.

Your resolve and commitment to your Self is so powerful that any shift can only bring you peace.

The instructions are easy: step. wait. dance.

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if i am Light

June 25, 2012

i am not here today.
come to think of it, i wasn’t here yesterday either.
not quite sure where i am.
but i’ve been missing my self as of late.

tears sit at the edge of my eyes
they fear the fall
so they hold on to my lashes
until they find their way back into
the pockets of my pupils
my vision drowns

i sit in silence
wanting to hear the message
this moment has for me
i am deafened by its screams

i used to be so full of life and energy
i used to believe in Love more than i believed in gods
i was unstoppable the world was mine to conquer

but time and life have changed that
and i am left to gather from the experiences
to emerge with new wisdom
and a fresh vision

because if i am Light
then i cannot be extinguished

if i am Light
then i must burn

un-broken

April 24, 2012

i am broken
but i am not shattered.

repairable, in fact.

i am stronger
at the parts
that cracked
because they know, now
how to reconnect.

healing bones,
tendons rebuild,
nerves reconnect.

the broken heal.
the body remembers.
the soul is stronger.

break down,
build up.
the edifice is fortified
reinforced
and forced to realize such wondrous truth:
the body can handle so much… more.

so really,
i am not broken
i am just strengthening the core
of a warrior heart.

beacon street

April 5, 2012

it was no wonder,
you wonder filled spirit,
that you lived on beacon street.

we met august 2008
i was moving in.
i knocked on your door
and when you opened
your smile lit up
that small hallway.

we became friends instantly.
like we had known each other
for years. sharing laughter.
food. company. stories.
we learned about each other.
you talked about your love
for the arts. started painting again.
writing…

the beagle loved you too.
she looked forward to your everyday visits
with a spoonful of yogurt that had her
tail waggin’ so fast, we thought it would fall off.

the more you shared your life with me,
the more awestruck i became.
life dealt you such shitty hands
but you played the game.
and you did it well Ass 😉

i know your light will shine in my life
all the days i have left. your wonder
will live on.

thank you for shining your light.
thank you for sharing your life. 

rest now my friend. rest.

god wears a size S

February 7, 2012

it is no mystery why the world can’t find god.

you have made god so small,
theologians have been searching in the fine prints
of scriptures only to loose themselves in translations.

your rhethoric and rules
have diminished god
to simple verses misquoted
from altars and pulpits alike.

religions read hatred from their Book
and claim righteousness.
they have been
everything but right.

throw up scripture
on billboards…
give tracts to distract.

god never wanted to be read.
god wants to be lived.

but you have made god so small
in Love and so big in hatred,
your microscopic view
increases macroeconomic blessings.
while churches get rich
on people’s fears,
faith is bankrupt.

god never wanted to be a business.
god wants to be lived.

you have made god so small
and insignificant,
you have people believing
that hell is place in the after-life
not on the tip of your blasphemous tongue.

locksmith

January 6, 2012

i wish
i wasn’t born
a poet.

instead,
i would’ve
liked to have been
a locksmith.

my entire existence
would be dedicated to
the art of making
and defeating locks.

i’d lock up my sentiments.
secure them in a place
where they’d never be hurt.
no key. just a combination
of infinite numbers written
in braille ’cause Love is blind
and only it would know
how to unlock me.

i’d work on deciphering
combinations.
i’d learn to unlock
fears and insecurities.
i’d work on bringing light
to the darkness of a vaulted
soul and free it from itself.

but i am just a poet
whose safe
is a pen and paper
that unlocks at the simple
turn of a connection.

01-03-09

December 2, 2011

estas seran
las ultimas lineas
que llevan tu recuerdo.

mis palabras
agotadas
ya no dan para dar.

tiempo mas tiempo

November 22, 2011

el reloj
marcando la una
y otra vez que te dice,
“date tiempo.”

se hacen las cinco…nsecuencias
mas pesadas por negarte la oportunidad.

vuelve a ti.

tu familia. tus amigos.
te esperan.
para renovar tus fuerzas.
alimentar tu alma.
fortalecer tu espiritu.

escucha.
el silencio
te lo dice todo.

paciencia.
contigo misma.
sin prisa.
todo caera
en su lugar.

tiempo mas tiempo
te dara la suma de paz.

es tiempo.

el reloj marcando
las doce…nas de bendiciones
que te esperan.

pero es ahora,
el momento preciso
para volver a ti.

celebrating her sofrito

November 6, 2011

every day i celebrate you. Mujer Latina!

i celebrate the Latina who matches her chancletas with her belt and her bandana.

i celebrate the taste of sofrito on
your lips. the sazon on your
fingertips. the maizena in your eyes.

i celebrate the yuca
roots of your soul.  the way you make
love in the kitchen and then serve it up in plates filled with ancestral
traditions that got me sucking the marrow outta’ that pollo guisao’ like it was my first home cooked meal after coming
back from a hunger war.

i love the anger in you. the coño carajo in you. the mira,
muchacha er’ diablo no me joda
, i’m pissed as hell right now, in you.

i love the diversity of you. the trigueñita, la negrita, la blanquita, la morenita. la gorda, la flaca
the one with the hips that were made to raise 13 muchachos.  i love the intellectual
you. the nerdy you. the quiet you. the loud you.  the silly you. the serious you. the office
you. the i don’t wanna’ do shit today but lay on the couch, eat platanitos, drink malta and watch novelas in
you.

i love and celebrate your voice. the one that sings while
you clean. the one that can say the perfect words whispered softly al oido.  and just as quickly, stick her head out the
window and yell, “mira condena, you didn’t
call me last night.”

i celebrate the 2.5 hours it takes you to get ready because Mami always said, “no salgas a la calle looking like una loca you never know who might find you.”

i celebrate the nurture in you. that tenderness wrapped in strength
that has been known to tumbar gobiernos,
to heal the bruised and fix the broken.

i celebrate the “tu
belleza,”
that simple sexiness you carry on your hips like an extension of
your heart pulsating to your very walk.

i celebrate your laughter. that contagious carcajada
that can be heard in the next barrio.
that smile that brings light to the darkest of places.

i celebrate la cultura
in you. the music, the food, the lessons you pass on, the love you pass up.
the way you dance with la escoba
while you clean. the way you find ways to keep the island traditions alive on
these palm-tree-less grounds.  the way
you can paint montañas outside the
window panes of cities.

i celebrate the guerrera
in you. the i ain’t giving up ‘cause my abuelita’s
abuela
didn’t and that blood runs through me. the i will not back down. i
will stand my ground. go ‘head and try and push me lest’ you be a pendeja and want to see the wrath of a
thousand generations unleashed on you like the female version of Tito Trinidad.

i celebrate you. the perfect balance of love, anger, and
tenderness.

Usted Mujer Latina… my strength and weakness within.  every thing i am and want.

sentence

October 17, 2011

there was a crime
committed against you.
so horrible, its got you thinking
you are guilty.

you’ve locked yourself up
in a prison of silence.

don’t sentence yourself
to life behind fears.

i will stand here
until you realize
you are free.

and then,
…we can walk out together.

~Sarahí Yajaira, 2011