reflection: connection

November 15, 2011

this past weekend was perhaps one of the most amazing weekends of my life.

my saturday started with a workshop that i was facilitating.  i’ve been giving a series of workshops at work for the past three months.  the relationships that have developed from these are absolutely beautiful. connecting with people that i would otherwise not have the opportunity to meet and getting to know them, their struggles, their stories and how they continue to move forward is uplifting and has allowed me to view my own struggles and grow stronger because of each of them.

lesson learned: we grow stronger in our collective struggles.

i headed to boston, to visit my sister, meet up with an old love who is visiting from DR  and then get together with new friends.

time with my sister is always a great time. i consider her one of the funniest people in my life. when i am with her my cheeks and abdomen hurt after just one hour. she has beautiful energy. she has a way to make me feel at peace.

lesson learned: her smile makes me feel at home.

i drove, nervously to her.  i didn’t know what to expect when i saw her. my heart was racing a faster as i got closer to our meeting place. i saw her. we hugged for what seemed to be hours. i felt no anger. no fear. no resentment. the only thing i could feel was our love: tender and true. her arms, her scent and her love wrapped around me like caribbean sun on palm trees.

lesson learned: undoubtedly, where true Love exist, regardless of what took place, the moment you come together, the only thing you feel is all that was beautiful about the relationship.

i headed to meet up with some friends. and with them i went to another place where i met an absolutely amazing group of new friends. it is inspiring to meet people and instantly connect. their energies, their spirits, their laughter… you’d think we all knew each other for years. our conversations went from intense to nonsense. we laughed so hard, inhalers had to come out. there were counseling sessions in the kitchen and dance-offs in the living room. games that taught us a little more about each other and had us talking about the next time we’d come together.

lesson learned: spiritual connections are still taking place.

the weekend just kept bringing me back to connections: lifelong ones, old ones and new ones.

when connections are made in their most honest form, we are guaranteed a lifetime of spiritual energy and renewal.

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la envidia de picasso

November 15, 2011

tre’cientos noveinta cinco
dias llevaba yo
de blanco y negro.

mis emociones
pintadas de gris.
tratando de ponerle
color al lienzo
de mi corazon
con pintura de agua.

ignorando el aceite puro
de tu amor, tus besos,
tu cariño, tu ternura.
aquella manera
de conocer cual pincel usar
para pintarme una sonrisa.

no me importa ya el pasado.
solo quiero pintar de valor
este Amor tan nuestro.

aquellos tres azules del mar
que tanto te conmueven…
los enmarcare en el ambar de mis ojos.

sera este amor la envidia de picasso.

catching fears

October 5, 2011

silence
is the sound of fear.

how does one let go
of those experiences
that build walls
to keep us safe?

the hurt
lasts longer
when we allow it to
keep us from embracing
a new blessing.

i am learning to listen
to silence. i am also learning
keep quiet. to let myself be
guided by more than words.

gently and quietly,
She slips her unspoken Love
into my pillow case.

…and every night
a dream catches
fears and i hear
the walls cracking.

~Sarahí Yajaira, 2011

trickery

September 15, 2011

mira…

if you go to stuckonstupiddotcom
you’ll find a picture of me.
and if you look closely into my eyes
you’ll see her silhouette
shufflin’ in my pupils.

she drives me crazy.

that kinda’ crazy that has me wondering
if i might be having some stalker-like behaviors.

she got me
counting hours ‘til i see her again.
i check and recheck my phone
to see if i might’ve missed her text
between now…
and the time i put it back in my pocket.

when she touches me,
i can feel it in the toes
of my next life.

when she speaks to me,
i get hooked
on the phonics of her lips.
i’ve been diagnosed
with attention deficit disorder
but she’s got
my complete attention.

she’s got this smile…

and when she laughs,
her entire face lights up.
and i’m looking at her light
walking towards it without fear
’cause if it’s death
…bring it.

she makes me laugh.
that ‘hood laugh.
(you know that laugh)

the one that got you standing-up-
running-slowly-clapping your hands-
shit-is-so-funny-your-stomach-hurts-
kinda’ laugh.

mira…

she drives me crazy.

the kinda’ crazy that got me wondering
if i should be in a straight-jacket
‘cause i wanna’ run into the walls
of her body and just crash into her.

she. is. so. good.
she’s got me thinking i’m free falling
and when i look around
i realize, i’ve been lying on her floor
for a minute.

…that’s some trickery.

~Sarahí Yajaira, 2011 ©

She

September 14, 2011

she’s not a carpenter
but she’s building me up.

never used brushes,
but she paints my heart
a green shade of hope…
slowly and perfectly.

serves dinner onto plates
filled with laughter.
plays connect the dots
with my freckles,
drawing out her touch…

i get feverish.
my skin burns
out fears.

her silence
tells me to rest
worries.
as we breath
in and out
and Up.

moves me
to stillness…

She has a way
to find ways.

~Sarahí Yajaira. 2011

cooking lesson

August 21, 2011

“jamas le niegues a alguien tres cosas:
un vaso de agua, un plato de comida,
el uso de un baño.”
-Doña Juana Rivera

in 1985.

my abuela juana was a Mother. to her eleven children, forty-six grandchildren and a little six-story tenement building that sat in the middle of a spanish harlem, new york city block in the 12 o’clock shadow of the taino towers.

218 e. 122nd street.

on sundays my abuela cooked. and when i say she cooked, i mean she had the cucharones banging on calderos, el horno encendio’ making music in that kitchen to the rythmn of my aunts chatter and chismes. while the men played domino talking pelota y lo’ yankis o los mets… and the kids ran up and down las escaleras.

sunday was another way of saying family. if we weren’t at randall’s island, we were at abuela’s or at Titi Isabel’s. but cooking was happening. and so was eating. and Love.

when it was time to eat… my grandma would lead us in prayer and she would always say something along the “… y que aquellos que no tienen de comer, encuentren el camino a mi cocina.” (…and may those who do not have a meal, find their way to my kitchen).

cooking lesson 101: we are responsible for each other (blood related or not).

this is something that has always stayed with us… as the cousins have all grown older, we always tell each other, “stop by there’s always a plate for one more.” and we remember abuela. it was never a lesson that we were taught in the sense of sitting us down to tell us… it was just a natural way of nurturing.

between the pernil, el pollo, arroz con gandules, ensalada de papa, y escabeche de mollejitas we realized we had enough to fill our bellies and our hearts and those around us.

…you’d always see a few of us bringing somebody else. “this is my amiga from school…” you didn’t even have to finish saying her name, who she was related to, how she got here… when she was already being handed a plate. and then someone shouting, “quien falta de comer?”

abuela fed more than just our bellies. she fed our hearts with a sense of responsibility that lives in each of us eighteen years after her physical body left us. but her presence is still present in our meals.

feeding the collective familia is not just culture… it’s a commandment. food is just food if it has no nourishment that goes beyond the one it provides the physical body.  if you cannot feed the soul, don’t even bother to cook.

on sundays and every day… may i always feed souls.

~Sarahí Yajaira, 2011 ©

writer’s note: a special thanks to Marvin Bings and Antonio Robles for inspiring my sunday muse.

if we never rush friendships, why then do we rush potential romantic relationships?

i was talking with a good friend about this and was reminded of something i read a couple of weeks ago (thanks to my ADD, I have no clue where i read it); but it was something to that fact.

there are thousands of reasons why relationships don’t work out. but from personal experience i’ve learned that the relationships that both lasted and were strongest, were those that started from a place of friendship.

why then do we feel the need to rush? we wanna’ skip all the steps because we know the end result we want. we wanna’ merge our worlds as if time is gonna’ run out on us or something.  i mean, we don’t meet someone today and give them a BFF charm bracelet tomorrow.

friendships grow.

slowly.
they are met with challenges and endure.
they celebrate individual accomplishments. birthdays. no reason days.
friendships go days/weeks without talking and are still present.

so what if we treated a potential romantic relationship like a friendship?  we can start by just hanging out once in a while, with other people, sans multi-texting and/or calling.  no talking about exes or wedding colors.  no expectations. just a natural flow of life.

i wanna’ know you. not the you that you think i wanna’ meet.

every so often we can get together (just us) and have a drink, some dinner. split the bill. go to our respective homes at the end.

in a few weeks, we’d catch a movie. chill on couch. tell me about your day. maybe then i’ll find out you have a brother who lives half way across the world. or that funny story about that thing you did in college. i’ll tell you about a project at work. cause we are  just letting it flow.

…without noticing we might fall in to something. or maybe we will just be really good friends.

still, if we start at friendship… we only grow stronger, come what may. that’s pretty romantic.

~Sarahí Yajaira, 2011 ©