sentence

October 17, 2011

there was a crime
committed against you.
so horrible, its got you thinking
you are guilty.

you’ve locked yourself up
in a prison of silence.

don’t sentence yourself
to life behind fears.

i will stand here
until you realize
you are free.

and then,
…we can walk out together.

~Sarahí Yajaira, 2011

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let go

October 14, 2011

my wish for you
is that you let go
of the pen you keep
writing with.

it bleeds hate and anger.

~Sarahí Yajaira, 2011

may i

October 5, 2011

may i let go
of all that keeps me.

may i learn
to sit still
with all that is
unanswered.

may i find
peace within
faith without.

~Sarahí Yajaira, 2011

purging

September 21, 2011

it is said that tauruses hold on to things.
that, we have a hard time letting go.
i am also my mother’s daughter.
she says,“recordar es vivir.”
(to remember is to live).

i’ve been collecting memories
for thirty-three years.

i’ve saved all of them
in labeled bins.
neatly stacked and packed.

but today, i cleaned
attic and basement.
started throwing things out.
i’ve attempted this before.
i’d sit there , start looking
through things and i’d only get rid of some.

today, i didn’t even look at it. i just trashed it.

years of letters, cards, pictures, movie tickets…
my collection has been collecting heaviness
and its value has long been redeemed.

a lifetime. in trash bags.

the bins are all empty.

i let it go. got rid of the impurities.
anything that has kept me
inside of those bins
is no longer there.

i made room… for all that is new.

~Sarahí Yajaira, 2011

chance

September 16, 2011

it was late.
past your bed time.
but you stood in that corner
with an anxiety that had you
biting your fingernails
and pacing.

waiting…

the red light kept my car
idle. it seemed to take forever
to change.

not as long
as the pain i saw in your eyes
when they met mine.

for a minute,
my short hair
gave you a glimpse
of what you thought
was your chance.

you walked closer
and looked in,
only to see
that i wasn’t
who you thought.

frustrated you walked
…away.

the light turned
the color in your eyes.
you just tryina’ make that paper,
to make that payment,
to buy diapers,
to fill your stomach.

sometimes a clear night
can be cruel to look up to.

we can’t all shoot for the moon
or reach for the stars,
when our reality is
a hard concrete pavement
filled with the cracks we fall through.

i wish i had change in my pockets
-not the kind you spend.
i wish i had…
systemic change available.

the kind of change
that creates real opportunities.
a change that addresses
the needs of a people
who are starving
for a real chance… at a chance.

 

~Sarahí Yajaira, 2011

 

misled

August 11, 2011

i never fell
in love
with you.

you can’t fall
if you have yet
to get up.

but i pushed
my self into
wanting to feel
the love i lost
and instead
pulled hurt
into your life.

i’m sorry
for thinking
i could heal
my way in
to Love.

my fear of a life
without it
misled the way.

may we both heal.

~Sarahí Yajaira. 2011

homenaje al tiempo

August 8, 2011

brindo
por el tiempo.
aquel sabio
descarado tiempo
que en sus manos
nos guarda prisioneros.

brindo
por el tiempo,
que a destiempo
nos sorprende
con dolores
que llegan
a medianoche.

brindo
por el tiempo,
que da vueltas
en un reloj.
con su tic-tac
que hipnotiza,
haciendo sentir
que ya no sentimos.

brindo
por el tiempo
que nos recuerda
que aun nos falta tiempo.

~Sarahí Yajaira, 2011

insomnia

August 1, 2011

llega la media noche
y el silencio no se calla.

doy vueltas en la cama
de mis inseguridades,
mientras mi almohada
de preocupaciones
se acuesta
en el nudo de mi cuello.

esta sabana me arropa
en su tela de va y ven
de yo no se que…
me desvelo la noche entera
pensando en como dejo de pensar.

llega la mañana
y me despierto
sin haber dormido.

~Sarahí Yajaira, 2011 ©

ausente

July 25, 2011

sí.
tienes razón.
no estoy aquí.

es mas…
ni yo misma estoy
conmigo.

hace tiempo
que me fuí.

busco
encontrar
lo que perdi
en el camino.
o mejor,
algo nuevo de mi.

cuando te invite
a que me acompañaras
en la soledad,
entendia que podia
compartir el silencio
contigo…

sin llenar espacios
con palabras que
ya sabemos,
se las lleva…

no hay nada que conversar
cuando el corazón
esta ausente.

perdona

pero aquí
sola quedo yo.

tan solo
busco… quien quiera
sentarse conmigo en el silencio.

~Sarahí Yajaira, 2011

“i am the love that i seek.” ~ife franklin

my friend wrote this as her facebook status. it was one of those status’ that when you read, it resonates so much with you that you must repost. and so i did. but i’ve been sitting with the quote.  i took it out for a dinner date. we talked. it held my hand.

ideally, i would be “the love that i seek.”  but where in that process of seeking am i? and do i actually believe that i could be that very love i seek?  have i forgiven my Self and those who have hurt me, so that i can open my Self to Self Love?

see in the process of life, i have given Love easily and deeply. often times forgetting Self so that others may feel Love.  but during the course i have forgotten to replenish Love for Self.  i have forgotten what i like to do when i have nothing to do.  i have lost focus of my Self.  and in the loss i have started to do things out of routine rather than heart.  falling in Love with the concept of Love, i’ve forgotten the art of it.

fact: you can’t give what you don’t have.

consequence: trying to do so only depletes you and hurts others.

i have to focus on the steps.  one foot in front of the other… the rest is just a walk.  defining what that Love i seek looks like is one way to becoming that Love that i seek. i must return to the source and replenish what i’ve lost along the way. the source sits at the core of me. that place that often times we avoid because we wish to not deal with the things we thought were dead and buried.

but i if i am to become it, then i must be it. and to get there i must do the things that generate true Love of Self.

~Sarahí Yajaira, 2011 ©