birthday wish

November 30, 2011

when i met you, you were just 26 years young…

i will be celebrating 59 years of the gift of your life on friday, dec 2.

how beautiful your light. how comforting your words. what sweet sound of love your voice.

i know that i am not the expectation you had for me… i know you pray that i will change… i know you wish me different…

but i… i think you’re the most beautiful blessing in my life. and i wouldn’t change anything about you. not even the parts that wish me different than who i am.

i wish you health. laughter. Love. blessings that shower your worries every day. i wish for you strength. courage. an unshakeable faith.

i wish for you peace of mind and heart. that all your hearts wishes come true… except the one that keeps me in your prayers under the disguise of your beliefs.

i Love you Mami. in ways that lead me to frustrated enlightenment: i am at peace with all that you are. i will meet you where you stand.

may your days be filled with an uncontainable happiness.

amor propio

November 30, 2011

perdí.

este juego de cartas
me barajó la reina de corazónes
para luego darme espadas
de doble fílo,
matando el sentimiento y la ilusión.

la noche me jode.
es larga. oscura. traicionera.

el silencio no deja de hablarme.
mi cabeza dando mil vueltas,
tengo los sueños mareados.

la soledad
me acompaña.
tratando de seducirme,
acaricia mi piel desnuda
de seguridad.

yo no siento nada.

y el nada se sienta
en el amanecer
de mi desvelo.

me levanto…

endulzo el amargo
del cafe con la esperanza
de un nuevo día.

no he perdido nada
cuando todo se transforma
en caminos que me llevan
a la ruta de mi verdad.

mi verdad…

Amor propio.

one question

November 29, 2011

seriously.

don’t take life so seriously.

life is fragile. short. time is not on our side. love is.

and in the end… that is the only thing we take with us.

so give it. freely. honestly. wholeheartedly. without reservation.

and receive it. without hesitation.

don’t worry about the damn bills. the next gadget. or making that paper.

none of it is worth a damn thing.

spend time with your family. laugh more with friends. treasure the treasures.

don’t hate. don’t hold anger. don’t be so quick to judge.

do your part to be a part of those who have left a legacy of a more just world.

stand up for the things that matter. stand down for the matters that don’t.

paint. write. sing. dance.

create spaces filled with tenderness.

ask yourself just one question:

if i knew i was going to die tomorrow, what would be most important right now?

the answer you give, is how you should live your life every day.

superpower

November 27, 2011

everytime i am in your presence
you shower me with the purest Love.

the way you looked at me
when you saw my face… the excitement
in your eyes vanished the worries right outta’ me.

and each of you hugged me…
excited to see your favorite Titi Feisty.

the honesty of your innocence
is uplifting.

we watched movies. happy feet
had me dancing in the movie theater
with you… your buttered popcorn fingers
held my hand.

we headed home to watch more movies.
superheroes flying and fighting… as your father,
(my brother) told us the history of marvel comics.
i saw him in the light of our childhood years.
time flies faster than Thor on the rainbow bridge.

if you all knew the super power you have
to bring complete happiness to my life.

you’re right ñingo, if i could have a super power… it would be to stop time
and go back and forth between it.

today, would be on loop.

substance

November 24, 2011

i need substance.

adventures are for youth,
and i seek a journey.

savor
all that i am.
the sweet and the sour.

taste the corners of my worries.
eat the edges of my sorrows.
digest my spirit, while i season my soul.

touch my intellect. find ways to move my heart
from the center of my chest to the palm of my hands
so that i may give it to you without fear.

smell the scent of my passions.
learn where it is exactly that,
with a single gaze,
you can arch my back
and curve into me.

study my moods.
turn the pages
of my poetic truth
into sonnets.
make music on the keys
of my ribs. play drums
on my breasts.
i can be a sweet song
on your lips.

…if what you want is a journey.

reflection: dreams delayed

November 22, 2011

i have been thinking about this coming holiday.

i am having a hard time this year with it. i read somewhere that mercury is in retrograde and things might be a bit off. and the news always tell of stats that remind us how this is a really depressing time for many people. in trying to make sense of my current emotional state, i seek answers.  this has nothing to do with the holiday or mercury’s position. i am just missing one thing:

my very own family.

i have family. my siblings. my parents. cousins. aunts and uncles. we are thousands of miles apart. still, we are family. and the memories we made years ago are still with me.

but i want my own family. i want to build a home. create memories. hang them on picture frames. make traditions that my kids will talk about…

i’ve been sitting with this. writing about it in my journal. talked about it with some friends over dinner tonight. and then i came across a blog where the blogger was expressing a similar sentiment.

i suppose a good number of us get to that point in our lives. that place where we realize we want our own family. it is easy to feel at a lost.  or like we haven’t done something right if what we want hasn’t yet arrived.

but instead of questioning what i might be doing wrong… i allowed my self to feel and listen. and i learned something and made peace with it rather quickly: it is not yet time.

i am thankful for dreams delayed. it will be that much sweeter. i will be that much stronger.

tiempo mas tiempo

November 22, 2011

el reloj
marcando la una
y otra vez que te dice,
“date tiempo.”

se hacen las cinco…nsecuencias
mas pesadas por negarte la oportunidad.

vuelve a ti.

tu familia. tus amigos.
te esperan.
para renovar tus fuerzas.
alimentar tu alma.
fortalecer tu espiritu.

escucha.
el silencio
te lo dice todo.

paciencia.
contigo misma.
sin prisa.
todo caera
en su lugar.

tiempo mas tiempo
te dara la suma de paz.

es tiempo.

el reloj marcando
las doce…nas de bendiciones
que te esperan.

pero es ahora,
el momento preciso
para volver a ti.

1%

November 22, 2011

the toxicology report
shows your levels of “i care”
are dangerously low.

they’d inject you
with a double dose
and hook you up
to an IV bag,
but your body
temperature is so low,
it just might
freeze in your veins.

i’ve been next to corpses
that had more warmth
than you.

anger
is a disease.
it has become a
pandemic
it took over
your global body.

your vomit
contains feces.
the same shit
you swallowed
all these years
to make yourself
believe that somehow…

___________________

time of death:
0231 hours.

reflection: connection

November 15, 2011

this past weekend was perhaps one of the most amazing weekends of my life.

my saturday started with a workshop that i was facilitating.  i’ve been giving a series of workshops at work for the past three months.  the relationships that have developed from these are absolutely beautiful. connecting with people that i would otherwise not have the opportunity to meet and getting to know them, their struggles, their stories and how they continue to move forward is uplifting and has allowed me to view my own struggles and grow stronger because of each of them.

lesson learned: we grow stronger in our collective struggles.

i headed to boston, to visit my sister, meet up with an old love who is visiting from DR  and then get together with new friends.

time with my sister is always a great time. i consider her one of the funniest people in my life. when i am with her my cheeks and abdomen hurt after just one hour. she has beautiful energy. she has a way to make me feel at peace.

lesson learned: her smile makes me feel at home.

i drove, nervously to her.  i didn’t know what to expect when i saw her. my heart was racing a faster as i got closer to our meeting place. i saw her. we hugged for what seemed to be hours. i felt no anger. no fear. no resentment. the only thing i could feel was our love: tender and true. her arms, her scent and her love wrapped around me like caribbean sun on palm trees.

lesson learned: undoubtedly, where true Love exist, regardless of what took place, the moment you come together, the only thing you feel is all that was beautiful about the relationship.

i headed to meet up with some friends. and with them i went to another place where i met an absolutely amazing group of new friends. it is inspiring to meet people and instantly connect. their energies, their spirits, their laughter… you’d think we all knew each other for years. our conversations went from intense to nonsense. we laughed so hard, inhalers had to come out. there were counseling sessions in the kitchen and dance-offs in the living room. games that taught us a little more about each other and had us talking about the next time we’d come together.

lesson learned: spiritual connections are still taking place.

the weekend just kept bringing me back to connections: lifelong ones, old ones and new ones.

when connections are made in their most honest form, we are guaranteed a lifetime of spiritual energy and renewal.

la envidia de picasso

November 15, 2011

tre’cientos noveinta cinco
dias llevaba yo
de blanco y negro.

mis emociones
pintadas de gris.
tratando de ponerle
color al lienzo
de mi corazon
con pintura de agua.

ignorando el aceite puro
de tu amor, tus besos,
tu cariño, tu ternura.
aquella manera
de conocer cual pincel usar
para pintarme una sonrisa.

no me importa ya el pasado.
solo quiero pintar de valor
este Amor tan nuestro.

aquellos tres azules del mar
que tanto te conmueven…
los enmarcare en el ambar de mis ojos.

sera este amor la envidia de picasso.