ausente

July 25, 2011

sí.
tienes razón.
no estoy aquí.

es mas…
ni yo misma estoy
conmigo.

hace tiempo
que me fuí.

busco
encontrar
lo que perdi
en el camino.
o mejor,
algo nuevo de mi.

cuando te invite
a que me acompañaras
en la soledad,
entendia que podia
compartir el silencio
contigo…

sin llenar espacios
con palabras que
ya sabemos,
se las lleva…

no hay nada que conversar
cuando el corazón
esta ausente.

perdona

pero aquí
sola quedo yo.

tan solo
busco… quien quiera
sentarse conmigo en el silencio.

~Sarahí Yajaira, 2011

pure heart

July 24, 2011

religion is for those who believe in hell.
spirituality is for those who have lived through it.”

in the beginning…
…all was good.

tired.
exhausted in fact.
at how in the name of god
they crucify the very free souls
of humanity.

there is nothing Christian
about Christianity
when they have forgotten
that Jesus was,
another way of saying
Love.

using
that king james version
of the book
to breed a royal lineage
of hatred.

hate begets hate.

from tennessee
to ghana
the churches claim
they wanna’ heal us.

we are not broken
because we are queer.

it is you,
in the name of
your holy spirit-
dancing like david
every time, a right is denied
or a people oppressed,
who have taken the song
right outta’ of our book of
psalms just to see us broken.

creating religious laws
in secular spaces,
claiming respect
of culture and traditions.
disrespecting the very teachings
of your teacher…

Love.

created in his image…

how dare you exclude my community
from the creation,
then dress it up in biblical chapters
that lost their translation
when you started speaking
in blasphemous tongues.

but you know, my queer people
are like Job:

we go through hell and remain faithful.

losing
jobs, family and life;
we survive because we have Spirit.

you may crucify us
but Love resurrects
on the third day…

we keep the sabbath
only to rest our fears.

Corinthians will show us Love
and you can keep your Apocalypse
‘cause your hatred will consume
only your hate-filled hearts.

and “when the saints,
go marchin’ in…”
a rainbow will remind us
of the true covenant…

“blessed are the pure in heart
for they will see god.” (matthew 5:8)

~Sarahí Yajaira, 2011 ©

255

July 23, 2011

“A nosotros los mortales no nos alcanza la vida para amar en lo más alto y soportar la caida.” ~ricardo montaner

…days later
i begin to mourn
loosing you.
loosing me.

i know.
i never gave
my Self the opportunity
to heal-

fool…

to believe
that i could just forget…

my body floating
in that bay,
your hands so gently
on my back.

our first morning,
when that song breathed
out of you: “eres todo…”

never have i awakened
so tenderly, so in Love.

you layed out a map
said this was the course.
we traversed
that half island.
my father’s land
your land…
tasting tender coconuts
sugar canes and mangos.

driving through the south
coming back through the north
heading east to go Home.

its beauty had me speechless.
feeling motions and emotions.

never had my eyes seen
such beauty…
felt a Love so deep…

today
i miss beauty
i miss kiskeya
i miss you.

…and we never made it to montecristi.

~Sarahí Yajaira, 2011

dejalo ir

July 20, 2011

“…si a veces todo en la vida te sale enredao’… dejalo ir, dejalo ir, dejalo ir.”

todo.
todo lo que en la vida nos aguanta hay que dejarlo ir
para poder salir hacia delante!

de nada nos sirven las cosas que nos detienen
y a veces lo que mas resiste es nuestro propio miedo.

hay que tirar pa’lante. cada dia.
valor. fuerza. animo.

~Sarahí Yajaira, 2011

precisa

July 20, 2011

me gustaría

que llevaras La Tierra en tus dedos.
que el olor de playa caribeña
se enrede en tu pelo.

me gustaría
que hables
…con mi padre.

que tus caderas
bailen un son. una plena.
un merengue. una salsa…
pero que baile. conmigo.
en la cocina. en la sala.
bajo la lluvia.

si pudieras llevar
la musica de antaño
en tus cuerdas vocales
sería una canción perfecta.

me gustaría
que tus besos
tengan sazón
casero.
para hacer hogar
en tu boca.

que tus manos sean suave
como maizena
en madrugada dominguera.

que en tus ojos
vea yo caer la luna
tras un flamboyan
repleto de rojo.

que llegues
cuando esté lista para recibirte

…sin prisa pero precisa.

~Sarahí Yajaira, 2011

axel antonio

July 20, 2011

we have been waiting
anxiously for you…
fell in Love
the minute we knew
you were on your way.

we didn’t show
your mom we were worried
…our hope was greater than our fear.

the day arrived
and so did you.
4.4lbs of condensed Love.

the kind of Love
that reminds you:
happiness is alive.

and she… she just looks so… beautiful.

that glow that comes
right after Love is birthed.

the way she looked at you
like she had fallen in Love
for the very first time…

she holds you.
but it is you who,
with your little hands,
hold her heart.

i only caught this in picture frames

but the image was clear,
only an angel can birth an angel.

 
~Sarahí Yajaira, 2011

Bienvenido a la familia Axel Antonio. 

limpieza

July 19, 2011

lo que no se puede
ir conmigo en el corazón,
no tiene derecho a ocupar espacio
en mi vida.

hoy se van hasta las flores secas.

porque de nada sirve
guardar recuerdos,
si el recuerdo secuestra
la memoria
causando dolor.

me quedo con lo bello
que se lleva el corazón.
pues es ahí donde se guarda
lo que verdaderamente
tiene valor.

 

~Sarahí Yajaira, 2011 ©

“i am the love that i seek.” ~ife franklin

my friend wrote this as her facebook status. it was one of those status’ that when you read, it resonates so much with you that you must repost. and so i did. but i’ve been sitting with the quote.  i took it out for a dinner date. we talked. it held my hand.

ideally, i would be “the love that i seek.”  but where in that process of seeking am i? and do i actually believe that i could be that very love i seek?  have i forgiven my Self and those who have hurt me, so that i can open my Self to Self Love?

see in the process of life, i have given Love easily and deeply. often times forgetting Self so that others may feel Love.  but during the course i have forgotten to replenish Love for Self.  i have forgotten what i like to do when i have nothing to do.  i have lost focus of my Self.  and in the loss i have started to do things out of routine rather than heart.  falling in Love with the concept of Love, i’ve forgotten the art of it.

fact: you can’t give what you don’t have.

consequence: trying to do so only depletes you and hurts others.

i have to focus on the steps.  one foot in front of the other… the rest is just a walk.  defining what that Love i seek looks like is one way to becoming that Love that i seek. i must return to the source and replenish what i’ve lost along the way. the source sits at the core of me. that place that often times we avoid because we wish to not deal with the things we thought were dead and buried.

but i if i am to become it, then i must be it. and to get there i must do the things that generate true Love of Self.

~Sarahí Yajaira, 2011 ©

saving ashes

July 15, 2011

“I know many of you are walking through the flames
and as the heat dissolves everything in your path that no longer serves you,
you scramble around attempting to save the ashes.”
~Adriana Raines

i’ve been collecting ashes
for years now.
saving them in boxes
labeled memories
as if they were heirlooms
to leave behind
for my unborn children.

their heaviness
rests on the basement floor
of my difficulty to let go.
fills the attic spaces
of my need to hold
on to the past.

i stare at them.

wondering,
what might’ve been if…

in each love letter,
picture and keepsake,
i could’ve brought you back.

there has always been an eerie
comfort to a pain
that has always been with you.

so i hold on.

not wanting to realize
that the memories have long burned
and these are just ashes.

that what was
is no phoenix,
and the only rising
that will take place is my own

…once i scatter these.

~Sarahí Yajaira, 2011 ©

aisle six

July 13, 2011

there i was at target
just getting some summer essentials:
marshmallows, graham crackers, chocolate.

laughing with my friend
’cause we couldn’t find the damn marshmallows.
i turn into the next aisle
and there you were…

no, it wasn’t the marshmallows
but i bet she was as sweet and soft as them.

she had the most beautiful olive skin
i’ve ever seen.
a long yellow skirt, that danced
on her hips down
to her sandals
which wrapped themselves
around her ankles.

i’ve never wanted to be a skirt or a pair of sandals…

a white v-neck shirt fit her perfectly.
she had no make-up… just a natural beauty
that made me wish she had a UPC code
’cause i would’ve taken her home.

her hair was neatly messy.
some imperfect perfection
that had me wondering
what it smelled like…

if her skin was marshmallow
her hair was chocolate.

abruptly (as only a real friend would do),
“damn girl, don’t make it that obvious.”
and i realized,
i was stuck on stupid on aisle six.

~Sarahí Yajaira, 2011 ©