deferred

December 27, 2010

our mothers’ dreams
rest on the pillows
of our beds.

wrapped in the blanket of
their guilt, their failed attempts,
their unfulfilled wishes.

…their “i-should-haves”
hold us hostage.

caged.

we’d like to be
the perfect daughters.
the ones who gives mami
everything she never had.
because that’s what she gave us.
and she had nothing
but those dreams
that she gave up
when she pushed us out
of her womb.

her dreams discarded
with the placenta.

my birth
became the reminder
of her deferred dreams.

those dreams. her dreams.

this unrealistic reality
has become my nightmare.

i cannot give
her, her dreams.
they do not live in me,
they live on me.

i have my dreams.
the ones i don’t want
to pass on to my daughter.
they are mine and mine alone
to dream up and live out.

but her guilt’s got me thinking
my wings are clipped.
her frustration’s got me questioning,
“why is my wing span so wide
if i can’t fly?

i cannot live out her dreams.
her dreams know i am not the one.
mine will wonder where i’ve been…

and my daughter’s dreams will ask,
“what dreams did you live out, mami?”

~Sarahí Yajaira, 2010 ©

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2 Responses to “deferred”


  1. Oh, these are the issues of parents, aren’t they? So hard. I see it already in myself as a parent. But, if a parent is TRULY an adult mother, then the only job we adults have is to let go, hard as it is…let go. The responsibility of the daughter to the mother? Love. Unconditional love and respect. But not fulfillment to unfilled dreams of the past generation(s).

    • Sarahi Yajaira Says:

      it’s quite interesting 3B. the internal battle we carry (most of the time, internally). but we find ourselves trying to live out their dreams because they didn’t have the opportunity.
      and sometimes, they blame us for not being able to accomplish those dreams, or for leaving something behind or for having to drop everything… we didn’t ask to be born. that was a choice our parents made. so it is important that we realize that we are not responsible to live out those dreams.
      this is a burden we need NOT carry. it forces us to remain still or to walk towards something that is not our individual truths. and that alone makes a mockery of our lives.

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