i grow within

August 16, 2009

i’ve been here
42 days.
at first,
i called it home
this, my birth place
this air, my first breath
this sun, my blanket
this moon, my lullaby
this
this
this
memory:

remembering
recalling
trees climbed
knees scraped
first day of school
papi’s hugs
raggedy mun~ecas
that i ignored

i relive
these scents
these sounds
these sights

that moment

i was pulled
my seed
barely sprouting roots
cut
reimplanted
in a new place
i would learn to call home
that, my growth place
that air, my second wind
that sun, my comforter
that moon, my song
that
that
that
memory:

remembering
recalling
monkey bars climbed
bruised knees
school daze
mami’s anger
dolls that i would keep
naked

i relive
those scents
those sounds
those sights

that moment

i was told
“this is not your home.
this fertile soil cannot feed you.”

that seed
trying to grow roots
under the concrete floors
of the big city.

there
amidst droughts
cold winter days
waiting for spring
a bud sprouts
cracks
through the spaces
of the concrete
blooms
the impossible

a caribbean city flower

displaced
misplaced
replaced

we learn, whether by nature or nurture
to revive and survive.

we do not assimilate,
instead we create
familiarity
in the spaces where we stand.
the sounds, the scents, the sights
mimic
the places we were pulled from.
we make our own ecosystem,
as our grandmothers plant avocado seeds
into pots that will never bear fruit
and our mothers import seasonings
that loose their taste in transition
(still, the essence of their flavor
lives on our tongues).

we were created to survive.

and while neither place may be home
i can live and grow in both places.
i am mobile.
i sit at the center of my heart
and rest in my soul.

i’ve learned that my veins are my roots…
i grow within.

this and that sun are the same.
this and that moon, keep the name.

~sarahi yajaira, 2009.

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